


FIVE CENTIMETERS.

by bledstars



Series: ERROR 606 [3]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Named MC, One-Sided Zen/MC, Tragedy, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bledstars/pseuds/bledstars
Summary: Sweetheart, darling, honey. love, his jagiya, looking like a dream with the pink flowers falling down like they couldn’t wait to frame her in a picturesque picture.





	FIVE CENTIMETERS.

**Author's Note:**

> Time for some good old fashioned, second lead romance, aka one sided love by the lovely Zen.

There she was in a light pink sundress hands linked behind her as she walked ahead of him. Her brown hair had moved from side to side as she looked up to the cherry blossom trees above them. It looked like a dream, the way the pink and white petals fell, the way the sunbeams fell through the leaves. 

And then she turned around and his breath got caught at the back of his throat. There was a bright smile on her lips as her eyes closed into half moons. How did she do that? She took him by surprise, not only with her beauty but with her kindness. She was always so bright, always shining like the sun. She made his heart stop and he forgot how to breathe. She had her hand out and motioned for him to hurry up. His feet instinctively wanted to run up to her and give her a kiss. To hold her hand to his lips and whisper promises of happiness and love. 

And then a flash of red passed by him. And he saw Saeyoung dash up to Mina and pick her up before spinning her in the air and laughing as she hit him to put her down. The smile never leaving her lips.

_Oh._ That’s right, he wasn’t here alone with her, the rest of the RFA was here. A picnic and a way to get everyone together again. It was her idea, her brilliant idea to bring them all together again. And as he looked at Saeyoung lower his face to kiss her, he remembered that she didn’t choose him. She didn’t love him like he loved her. 

She loved Saeyoung. She was so in love with him. He could tell by the way her teeth showed when she laughed. How she hit him playfully. How she looked at him as he slowly lowered her, her eyes looking at him as if he was the world. But then he also saw the way Saeyoung looked at her. Like she was the sun, the stars, and the moon all together in one woman. How he smiled at her with that goofy smile. Vulnerable in a way that was only for her. Hands linked together and it hurt to see her look at Saeyoung in a way that she would never look at him. 

But he was an actor, he knew how to fake a smile. And as he looked at the two lovebirds, he wondered if she knew that every time he said _jagiya,_ he meant it. It suited her so well that he couldn’t picture another person to take that name. 

**Sweetheart, darling, honey. love, his jagiya** , looking like a dream with the pink flowers falling down like they couldn’t wait to frame her in a picturesque picture. 

Instantly, everything vanished and it was only them. Until it was just her, in a background of white. **Ah. So it was a dream.** There she was smiling in that same sundress, looking at him with a smile as she motioned for him to come closer. 

That’s how he wanted to remember her, he wanted her to remember her with that smile on her lips. With that glow that just seemed so natural. **Happiness suited her. I** t suited her so well that it hurt his heart to know that this was a dream. He knew that it wasn’t real. But he didn’t very well care. This was enough. To have this little bit of her in his mind, to see her smile that way for him. To be his jagiya and no one else’s.

“Zen.” _Oh_. He missed that. he missed that voice of hers. He missed the way it made his insides tingle. He could remember the late night phone calls. How he said that all men were wolves and that she should be careful. He could remember the first time she called him to tell him to take care of himself better. To make sure that he didn’t get sick. He could remember the first time he heard her laugh over the phone and how his heart skipped a beat. He could remember when he finally met her. They didn’t meet at the party, but how she looked in the hospital. 

He thought of her as some princess in the tower. Trapped in Rika’s old apartment, waiting for Prince Charming. A damsel in distress. **But she was so much more than that.** She was a knight in shining armor, saving every single one of them from their own personal demons.A strong compassionate woman who loved so unconditionally, he half-agreed with the sentiment that she couldn't’ be human. She had to be an angel. No one that good, no one that beautiful could be just a human.

But she was. She was and it hurt that she was. Cause that meant she could die. That meant that an accident could happen. That meant that she could be taken away from them and they couldn’t save her. 

So, as he stared at her now sitting on the white ground, the pink dress flared out, her smile still there. He wondered if he ever wanted to wake up. Maybe this was like the rest of his dreams, maybe this will come true too. Maybe she was alive, maybe she was just waiting for one of them to find her. Maybe this didn’t have to end with such a terrible ending- 

“Don’t be silly, Zen.” Her voice was sad and he hated it. He hated how low it was, how hopeless it sounded. **It didn’t suit her. But** **neither did death.**

“Come back.” His voice broke as he finally fell to his knees in front of her, his burgundy eyes pooling with tears that he shed over and over again. This time it wasn’t for a show, it wasn’t for a stage. It was for her. He wanted her back. He wanted her smile back. He wanted her to be alive and with them. “Please.” 

The sad smile on her lips didn’t suit her. It didn’t suit her at all. He hated it. It felt wrong to see her like this. Like she was on the other side of some invisible wall. That she was separated from them in a way that couldn’t be helped. 

And the silence was the worst part. The way there was no sound but the sounds of his crying. The way she looked at him quietly with that sad smile. The way her hands were folded on top of her dress as she sat down in front of him. This wasn’t how their story was suppose to end. 

He wanted to turn back the clock. He didn’t mind being the audience as he watched the love story unfold that was between Saeyoung and Mina. So, please turn back the clock. Please bring her back. It was breaking all of them. It was tearing them apart. Please, make the last six months a nightmare. Please bring her back. He cried out. He will give up anything just to have her back in his life again. 

 

 

 

Zen could remember when heard the news. The shock of it all overtaking him as he stood with the phone pressed against his ear in his dressing room. _This wasn’t right._ He thought quietly. This was some sick joke. This was some sort of practical joke. This wasn’t right. She had an exam in a week. Which was why she postponed coming to his new play. He had remembered teasing her and whining as she apologized over and over again on how she couldn’t make it for opening week. But promised that she would come next week with the biggest bunch of flowers and a six pack of his favorite beer to celebrate. 

But as Jaehee’s soft voice over the phone was raw from what he expected was a lot of screaming and crying. He remembered his shaking fingers as he looked up the incident. How he saw her building going up in flames as he stared at the video that was taken. He remembered the list of names that they said were the victims that they knew about. He remembered seeing her name and how it felt so wrong. 

He could remember how he wanted to run out of that room, to go looking for her. To move every rock and scream out her name. He felt his heart breaking, he could hear it, shattering into a million pieces as Jaehee spoke of every detail. He could just imagine how scared she must have been. How alone she must have felt. How much if must have hurt. 

He hated it. He hated knowing that there was nothing he could do. He could remember hearing the stage assistant peak into his dressing room and tell him he had two more minutes until his final scene. 

Wiping away the tears that must have fell before he could stop them, hands shaking as he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked handsome. Still so handsome. A perfectly made marble mask that he could hide behind. 

 

 

 

 

“ _It’s based off my favorite movie!”_ She squealed as she looked at the script and looked at him with a big smile. Flipping through the script of the play, he could feel a swell of pride. It was a difficult script to get but the director had seen him in a previous one and said he fit the role of the tragic lover quite well. It was a second male lead role, but still a big step. 

“Yeah, I forgot you loved that movie. The director wants me to watch it for inspiration. Because some of the lines are directly from it.” He said as he picked up his coffee and felt the grin on his lips grow as he looked at her reading the script with such intent. 

“You’re gonna be amazing in this, Zen! Just don’t try to outshine the other guy, I know it’s going to be hard for you because of your talent and just-“ 

“Are you flirting with me, Jagiya? Wanna run away with me and leave Saeyoung?”He teased with a grin as he put his chin against his hand and smiled at her. 

“Mmnn, I mean it is tempting. But I think you can do better than little old me. You’re a superstar, Zen! And Saeyoung would forget to eat if I didn’t remind him. Even though he constantly reminds me. Oh, and I guess because i love him too much. But that’s always secondary.”A bright laugh as she flipped through the script. 

_How wrong was she._ How could he ever do better than her. He thought quietly with a sad smile. Knowing in his heart that no matter how many times she looked at him with those sparkling eyes, they could never compare to the ones she gave Saeyoung. 

 

 

 

 

On stage now, he walked across the stage and gave the heroine one last kiss. Putting everything into the kiss, holding her tightly. And all he could imagine was that it was not some actress with short blonde dyed hair. He imagined it was long and brown, with bangs that covered her forehead. That she was the type of girl that only wore chapstick because the last time she wore lipstick she smeared it all over and looked like a clown. That this was a girl that looked at the world with so much hope and had so many dreams for herself. He kissed her like he wanted to kiss Mina so many times. 

How he wanted to kiss her soft pink lips as she read his script. How he wanted to kiss her when she played with his hair, fixing it, as she held a bundle of flowers for him. How he wanted to kiss her when the cherry blossoms fell because what could ever compare to her beauty. 

A whispered wow that was not scripted that left the actress’s red lips as she looked up at him. Breathless as he stepped away and knew that this was his last line. “You made me realize, what it was like sharing every experience I’ve ever had.” He said as he took another step back. “ I finally understood where everything was, eternity, the heart , the soul. And it makes me sad to see you.” He said with a determined tone, and as he looked into the bright blue eyes of his costar, he wished they were brown. Taking another step back, he cocked his head to the side with a sad smile and looked at her. 

“You make me sad, Sohee.” His voice cracked, and he knew that he was losing face. He was going control as he wished he could say these words to the only person that deserved to hear them. The one that he could never say them to. “Your warmth. Your soul. I don’t know how to treat them. I don’t know how we could be together, when I don’t know.” Lifting his hand, he reached out to wipe away a tear from his costars’ cheek.

This scene was suppose to have a joking tone but how could he? His character playfully saying how this was the end for them. How she should go after the main lead. But how could he say all of this with a smile when every word he said, every word that he pulled out of his voice, forcing himself to stand there on this stage, **felt too real**. How could he say all of this with a cheeky grin when all he wanted to do was cry. And when he tried to say the last words, he felt the words choke him. Breaking his voice overtime he tried to force them out before he felt the tears fall freely. He could hear the actress’ whisper his name, she was breaking character because this wasn’t the way the scene was supposed to go. 

So, when he lifted his head to look at her, tears falling down his eyes. He saw Mina. He saw her standing there, only a few centimeters away and yet forever gone. Choking with a sob as he forced himself to smile, he looked at her and wished time could stop. He wished this was real, but he knew that it wasn’t. “Our lives, we’ll always be separated. I can’t make you happy like he can. You just think I can cause I’ve always been there. Only five centimeters away. Five centimeters may not seem like much. For these trees, it’s just a couple of seconds of being apart, _but for us, I think it’s an eternity._ ” 

 

 

 

Now here she was, staring at him in his dreams with that sad smile.Wearing that pretty pink dress that he always liked on her. Looking alive and well and yet he knew for a fact that that wasn’t true.

“You have terrible timing.” He whispered quietly through the sobs as he tried to collect himself. “Today is the day of your funeral. We’re finally saying goodbye and you come here and invade my dreams like this.” 

“I’m sorry.” The figment of his imagination said softly before she patted her lap and he quickly put his head down there. Looking up at her face, and wondering if she would have ever done this for him if she chose him. He was sure he caught Saeyoung dozing off in her lap as she studied for an exam. How he told her that she babies him too much and lets him distract her. How she’d just smile and look down at her boyfriend with a shrug. Saying that she didn’t mind too much. And he was jealous of the way she looked at him, softly and full of so much love. He wanted that and now here she was, playing with his hair as he looked up at her face. 

“You made me cry on stage.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“The director was about to have my head but said it actually suited the character more. To see him become so human, to become someone that wasn’t just like a prince figure but a human being. The reviews said it was one of the best performances of the year. And you didn’t see it.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“You broke your promise.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah. Me too, Jagiya. Me too.” he was getting tired of her apologizing but as he looked at her and saw her figure fade slowly, he knew that he was going to have to wake up and remember that this wasn’t real. He was going to have to go back out there and live in a world where she didn’t exist anymore. He was going to have to say goodbye one last time. 

Hand reaching out, to try and touch her face. He looked at her knew that this wasn’t real, but he was so close. Only a couple of centimeters away and he could touch her. Only a little more- 

Then he woke up. And his hand was stretched out to the celling of his home. He stared at the empty space, the tears running down his cheek as he stared at it. Just a moment ago, she was there and now she wasn’t.“An eternity away.” he whispered to the empty room as he stayed there, his hand still trying to grasp at nothing. 

 

 

 

 

Placing the stone that carried the Cherry Blossom Flower trapped in resin as his final gift. He looked at the picture of her smiling one last time, knowing that the only way to see it will be either in his own head or in photos. That he won’t get to say Jagiya to her anymore. That he won’t be able to see her sitting in the audience, encouraging him. She was the woman he loved more than she could ever love him. "Goodbye, Jagiya." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The quote/play is based off 5 Centimeters Per Second. :) 
> 
> Please comment or leave Kudos! They really do make my day!


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